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The earth opened..and tadaaa....here i am...





June 3rd, 2010

Writer's Block: TMI

If you had the opportunity to know everything about the person you love, would you take it? Or would you avoid the possibility of getting hurt?

the past shouldn't matter so much to begin with...mistakes done in the past belong there....what i would look for is someone's character and what the future could be like with this person....

meanwhile, even if we deny things to ourselves...time will come that the truth will reveal itself....why delay the hurt and waste the opportunity to confront the truth and be better off because of it....ignorance is not bliss....its denial and avoidance of a block to one's highest potential....courage is necessary to live our best life...why be afraid of seeing the truth?

June 15th, 2008

going brazilian

pain is a wierd thing. or why we endure it is even wierder. or how we endure it! i guess knowing its going to end eventually, or knowing that its momentary, and that i will still be alive after the fact allowed me to bear it. truly, i am a creature of hope. i knew that the light at the end of the tunnel existed, it was just a matter of time.

apparently in brazil, being a bikini nation, where women wear strings thin enough to just conceal certain "crevices"...hair in certain areas is satan...and shall be completely banished.

out of curiosity and because it was free, i finally tried a brazilian wax. every follicle in that "area" stripped away...and yes, front to back.

my friend, an Aesthetician(licensed beauty professional allowed to do this procedure): "ok, the front is done. now turn over"..

me: AH...why?

...and there i was close to getting a prostate examination (if i had one). hahaha...actually no, i felt like a sandwhich na pinapahidan ng palaman in between..(i didnt know that the brazilian reached that far).

i was informed that its most painful the first time, it gets better after a few times. but im nto sure if im willing to do it again. i teared up and shrieked occassionally. i think i reached a new threshold for pain.

oh well, it was fun naman. haha

May 26th, 2008

My psychic escapade

so last week, i went to san francisco for a family get together. Last Saturday at 2am after some bar hopping (yes, they close that early), we (my cousin, her girlfriends and i) happened upon a psychic shop. Given my new age procliviities, i persuaded them to stop and try it for fun. Off we went to get our fortunes told. This psychic, Nina was her name, with her dark mysterious looks, Russian Gypsy and medyo banlag yung mata (2 eyeballs looking in different directions) definitely had an air of authenticity. No doubt she had talent, she told us individual details that were just so dead-on, it was really freaky, the people i was with went out of her consultiing room, just amazed. I went last to get my palm read, and she talked to me and told me stuff that made me feel like she knew what was really going on inside me. It seemed like she did, i was almost sold that she was gonna give me answers i was looking for--for certainty on what i really want.

So towards the end of the reading, she tells me about my future daw, she said the man I'm with now is not meant for me and we will not last daw. So, i go, "well, right now, our relationship is going really good, how is that going to happen? and what am i supposed to do now? break up with him?", she proceeds, "no, just let the relationship take its course, enjoy it while it lasts, disappointment will come and u will be forced to walk away." i wanted to say, "thanks a lot lady, thats not really an answer, how am i supposed to enjoy if i know its not gonna work out?". At this point, i still didnt know what to do with what she said, but she continues, "there is an emptiness in you, there is karmetic energy that is not allowing you to find your soulmate"...(all this in her whispery yet dignified manghuhulang mediterranean accent)... unless we banish this energy daw, finding real love will not happen for me. So she goes, i can help you with that she said. But given that i was going back to LA the next day, i told her that i wont really be able to work with her. But she said, "dont worry, we can do spiritual work over the phone. I wont charge you for it, i want to help you. we'll look into your past life and see where this energy is rooted"..so, she gives me her phone number and i said i'd call her as soon as i get back to LA. at this point, i guess the more reason i had to trust her cus she wasnt even charging me.

so the next day, i get on my flight and for sure, i was a bit disturbed, deep in thought, emotional; i didnt get to sleep ok. Her divinations obviously affected me, i let it get to my head. I think at this point, i allowed myself to take what she said as the truth, the power of suggestion talaga. So, i land in LA, boyfriend comes to pick me up; God, it was like a movie airport scene. he hugs me and i hug him extra tight. in my mind, "OMg, this is going to be among the last hugs"...hahahhha...tang enang drama. He asked what was wrong, i seemed sad daw...i just said, that its hormones, that time of the month. so he takes me home cuz he had to work. before i went down the car,we hugged goodbye and i started crying. Hahahaha...Gad! talaga...ang drama ko; i was probably grieving for something that hadnt happened yet. now i know what a break up feels like i guess. hahahah So that night i call psychic Nina and i tell her that im ready to know more and get our work started. so, she asked for my brith name and birthdate. Cuz she'll do past life research on me daw. Tanong ko naman, "so, u have a past life library?" she answers, "No, i consult my guides and they read the akashic records for me". she instructs me to call the next night so she can give me her karmetic diagnosis.

teh next day on my way to work, im in my car, playing this CD i jacked from my cousin's car, it had tagalog goodies, like Songs from Freestyle and Side A, my old favorites. This freestyle song "Before i let you go, i want to say i love you.." started playing...tang ena, the waterworks started to sprinkle and then baha....hahahah...para akong ewan ok...crying in my car while driving. I just let it all go, and flashback to the good memories...hahahah.....when i got to work my eyes were already a little swollen, thank god nalang for waterproof mascara ok. hahahah. from all this, i realize how we only really see how someone is important to us when the idea of losing them comes up, when it becomes real, so obviously, he does mean something to me na talaga, did i love him? hahahah...i guess so, otherwise why would i feel like this?

So that night, i call psychic nina for her research results. This is when my real intuition kicked in--this is when i realized she was full of crap. She went on to tell me this crazy story that in my life before this one, i was very succesful but didnt have a family, i died alone daw, and it iis the same karmetic energy daw that i still carry in this life...and how ti all started, the epic story begins. She said, i once came from a powerful, rich family; i was teh first born and a had a twin sister (younger by 3 mins)---oo, detalyado talaga siya. I was to inherit the title daw...so, i imagine, this maybe in India or some exotic old kingdom (siyempre kelangan talaga yung royalty bit, why cant i be a farmer's daughter?). Anyway, my sister and i daw were bethrothed to these two brothers, but we were never told who was promised to who as we grew up. So, as we grew up being playmates and all; teh younger bro and i took a liking to each other. When i was 16, in a moment of slutiness, i gave my prized virginity to him daw. (this has elements of a good movie na ok--i can imagine a pretty hot sex scene here, or PG version: there will just be the bloodstained sheet, and a goodbye kiss, as young girl goes into the night and crawls back in her bed forever changed--broken hymen). At this point, i was listening on the phone and i just wanted to crack up! i wanted to kick myself, cuz it was obvious, that i let this storyteller get in my head and i put myself through all that emotional stress for nothing! for something imagined!..but ofocurse, i was so entertained by her creativity that i let her go on and tell me where the hindrance to my soulmate search was coming from...So the story continues; the young bro and i carried on the secret love affair until we found out the truth about us....when i turned 18, my father revealed that i was actually promised to his older brother and him to my younger twin. So, i didnt have much of a choice, if i reveal our love, i'd dishonor my family (cus apparently then, being a non-virgin and unmarried was a huge disgrace, enough for me to lose my right to the throne)...so, i chose the throne and married the older bro (who loved me to death--pun shall be intended). and so, my love married my sister. we tried to forget each other, but a year after, we saw each other and couldn't contain the passion and longing anymore--so insert another hot sex scene here--this time with hunger, scratching...wild. hahahha....but ofocurse, in the heat of passion, older brother walks in and catches our betrayal. Older bro was so angry that he threw me to the floor....but apparently, i was pregnant with his child na pala...and i lost the baby....older brother was so heartbrokened because of the betrayal by his beloved wife and brother and on top of it, he couldnt bear losing his son to be born....so he killed himself. Hung himself in our room and i found him. So little bro and i never got back together we couldnt bear the memory of what weve done.

So, at this point, i ask Madame Nina, where the negative energy came from, "from guilt?", i asked. And behold, a new character gets introduced! She said, because of this, i was hated by his family, i became a pariah....and on top of it, they're grandma put a curse on me....(siyempre may witch lola diba).....she cursed me that i will never find love again, that i will always carry the guilt and my husband's sadness. So, until this life daw i still have it, its preventing me from love daw. and the onyl way to banish my husband's energy, is through powerful crystals, she'll perform the casting out with these daw.."we will draw his energy out, you will hear your husband's voice, so you have to be strong, and you have to tell him that you are not his wife anymore"....and then eto na...dito na papasok yung money factor...she goes on to say that these crystals might be a little expensive and she will let me know daw teh next day how much they were.....so, she said to call her the next night so she can tell me.

I didnt call her back. I just laughed my ass off when i put the phone down.

God, i cant believe how gulllible i was! But for sure, i took some gems of wisdom from this experience. I guess in my quest for certainty, i was almost willing, to be given answers from outside sources; i guess im so used to quick gratification in everything else, that im trying to get fast answers, instead of letting things unfold and living in the present. I dont need some psychic to tell me how my life will turn out and that things will be ok, i have that power to search for direction myself, to trust and hope, to live in faith, to determine my future, I may not see teh next step yet, i may be afraid....but i guess, i should have just had enough faith, to stick it out and not let fear get to me. As certain as seasons come, after winter, spring and summer comes, a time to bloom again, see growth, or maybe come fall, some pruning of some kind; but life comes and takes its place. It will always be up to me what i do and it all takes place in the present. i just have to do what teh present demands, whether it be to love, give, change my thinking...whatever the present brings...thats all i can do...and hopefully, the future will unfold to something that will make me happy. i can only hope.

but tang ena! i am never letting a psychic mess with my head. My customer, who owns a spirituality shop, told me that a good pyschic will merely tell you things that u know already. If what a psychic says does not resonate in you, then its crap. because a psychic's ability is to give a name to whats going on inside you so you may understand yourself. So, a good psychic wont tell u ur future (they can advise or offer a conjecture, but never say for sure what will happen, because we have access to the present and that is the only key to the future). She said, its a common Modus Operandi ng mga psychic crooks, to first wow you with their talent in the beginning, then unknowlingly u begin to trust them, and then they plant a fear in you through suggestion and there, u start payign them to help you get rid of the cause of fear, which u created yourself through their so-called help.

so let this be a lesson to everyone. hahhah

i guess guidance is everywhere; even in an encounter like this, there is a revelation to be gained. but i guess when u try to project yourself to the future so much, thats when you mess things up, when desperation comes in...cuz we put ourselves in a position to imagine how things will turn out for us....but then again, we can never really map out the possibilties.

We should always be prepared to be surprised. we fight that when we cling to how we want our lives to turn out, we grieve when it doesnt turn out the way we wanted, but then again, what makes us so sure that our way is the best way? how are we sure that our ideals are really whats important? or of it will indeed make us happy? we cant. so we just have to deal with what the present presents. its a gift. and we can only be grateful what we can take from it. the future will take care of itself. What now? eh di now. now. now. i keep on saying it. cuz thats it. the future is now.


thanks mia for tagging me, im glad you still think of me...hahahah

1. What are you worried about?
- Not seeing the signs and making the right decision

2. Are you confused as to what lies ahead of you?
- i see a clearing. I shall follow it and see where the light leads

3. Is there anything that made you unhappy recently?
- tang ena. this psychic that messed with my head

4. What did you last cry over?
- hahaha. i grieved for something that hasn't happened yet. but Freestyle's oldie "Before i let you go" got the waterworks started. ( read my next post for the long story)..hahhahah

5. Have you ever dated someone?
- Have you, Mr. Survey?

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
- loving someone, its a greater risk and a greater opportunity to see your limits

7. If the person you like doesn't accept you, would you continue to wait for them to change their feelings?
- nope. too bad he doesnt have special eyes to see what he's missing

8. If the person you like is secretly attached, what would you do?
- it depends on the situation. but most likely, if hes married to another man, baka i might still consider...hahaha

9. What do you want most in life?
- love. shet. cliche

10. What's the most important thing you look for in a significant other?
- kindness, honesty

11. Have you ever had your heart broken?
- not yet

12. Would you rather be single and rich or married and poor?
- single and rich. i dont need to get married. I can do an Oprah and Steadman

13. Do you like someone right now?
- Yes

14. Do they like you too?
- like is an understatement...hahahah..feeling

15. If you fall in love with 2 persons simultaneously, who would you pick?
- the one who gets my pulse racing

16. What type of friends do you like?
- more of my college friends and then some

17. If you played a prank on someone, and she/he fell for the trick, what would you do?
- laugh and feel guilty if they cry

18. If you were betrayed by someone, what would you say to that person?
- i dont know. i probably wont dignify that person with words, just a guilt inducing look in my eyes and cold silence

19. If the person tagging you likes/loves you, what will you do/say?
- i miss you mia!

20. What do you think of the person who tagged you?
- i watch our videos whenever i need some cheer in my day

April 20th, 2008

6am on a sunday

well, i woke up at 5am and couldnt go back to sleep. I thought id post an update.

1. ive been having recurring dreams lately. The setting is usually in my old house where i grew up as a kid, then of my high school and lately, college friends. One dream had Mica, Lara and Gin in it. I saw Mica and she couldnt recognize who I was, meanwhile Gin and Lara were running from a volcano eruption, Lara climbed onto a hill to save herself, while Gin rolled down the Hill in a wheelchair and tumbled. haha. Funny scenario actually. My co-worker Lawrence, (who is amazing at dream analysis) commented that my dreams are using symbols from memory to refer to the things im processing right now, for some reason these past associations are being triggered by the present. oh well, i have no clue yet what the dream means. but one thing for sure, i miss my friends.

2. on the love front, he's not moving to Vegas anymore. his cousin decided to sell him the Pizza franchise next door, so he decided to let the Vegas gig go, (backstory: he was supposed to open a pizza franchise with another partner in vegas, move there for 3 months to set it up and come back, but since its been 3 months late already, details arent coming together quite as efficient as expected, he decided its probably a sign to move on especially with a better opportunity in sight). he says its fate and he has every reason to stay. So if anything hAS changed since 3 days ago, now we dont feel like every day we have together is the last before he leaves. Haha. for the past 3 months, we've been acting like liv tyler and ben affleck on aerosmith's "I dont want to miss a thing", i forgot the movie where it came from....ayun, Armageddon. But looking back, its because of the anticipation that hes leaving that we became really close. its funny how you make every second count when you think its about to end. seriously, its like every goodbye was passionate. Now, there is no goodbye to anticipate, but then again, why should i stop making every second count? relationships die cuz of complacency. oh well, we'll see.

2.5 Oh btw, im learning Farsi. all of my family speak english, a lot of his dont. So, why not learn a new langguage, I got this langguage CD, Pimsleur's Method, its amazing. in just 4 days i can speak conversational farsi. i highly recommend this method. its organic learning, it teaches you through sound, and as you go along you just see patterns how verbs and sentences are formed. haha. its funny though, when he talks to me in his langguage, and now that i undeerstand a little bit, its as if i know him a little different. now i get how a common langguage can bring people together on a different level i guess. but then again, there things words cant express.

3. on the work front, its great, i have new employees under my wing, young, smart, and eager to learn. but i think i need some estrogen around me. on second thought, being the only female in the store has its perks. Male species seem to thrive on the idea of being needed by a female. haha. As for customers, im not getting my share of Dirty Old men lately, a couple of cute guys actually. Now that im taken, theyre coming out of the woodworks. or is it just how temptation is? everything else seems enticing when you cant have it. haha

4. i think im sleepy again. im off today. going to the v=beach later. days are passing by quick. its amazing. another sunday. i need some novelty, i need to see something different...mala-Adonis level eexperience ba...musclebound men in cut offs and knee high boots dancing to michael learns to rock songs...any recos from youtube? haha

January 23rd, 2008

Our Comedy Videos from 2006

One of my fondest memories in college. My foray into the beauty contest scene, or more like, komeja circuit...hahah...This is a testament to how much fun college was, just cuz i got to spend it with the funnest, funniest, most supportive friends ever---(Mia, Lara, Gin! OMG....kumusta ang mga outfit niyo!) hahahhaha

MR. and MS School of Management 2006 Talent Portion: Cinderella

Representing our org COSA, here was our intro video...shot on top of Prince David, guest starring Lara, hahaha....this was edited and directed by Mia

"Reflektra and Captain Fabulous"

November 22nd, 2007

you are never stuck

its thanksgiving. thank god, ive had 3 days of vacation so far, its been a long time since i had time to jus lounge..anyway, heres something interesting i found...im jus gearing up to write an update..but meanwhile...this guy has some interesting stuff to say and more on youtube...

September 9th, 2007

just wanted to share

take responsibility for your life..

July 22nd, 2007

hahahaha...im sorry...ito na yata ang best remake ever!
"Thriller", starring Cebu Jail Inmates. This should be a national contest...Inter-jail competition...

this is not simple komeja...im reading a message in the whole choreography...prison life realities diba! applase! there is depth....hahahah
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