Pot--Live!

pain is a wierd thing. or why we endure it is even wierder. or how we endure it! i guess knowing its going to end eventually, or knowing that its momentary, and that i will still be alive after the fact allowed me to bear it. truly, i am a creature of hope. i knew that the light at the end of the tunnel existed, it was just a matter of time.

apparently in brazil, being a bikini nation, where women wear strings thin enough to just conceal certain "crevices"...hair in certain areas is satan...and shall be completely banished.

out of curiosity and because it was free, i finally tried a brazilian wax. every follicle in that "area" stripped away...and yes, front to back.

my friend, an Aesthetician(licensed beauty professional allowed to do this procedure): "ok, the front is done. now turn over"..

me: AH...why?

...and there i was close to getting a prostate examination (if i had one). hahaha...actually no, i felt like a sandwhich na pinapahidan ng palaman in between..(i didnt know that the brazilian reached that far).

i was informed that its most painful the first time, it gets better after a few times. but im nto sure if im willing to do it again. i teared up and shrieked occassionally. i think i reached a new threshold for pain.

oh well, it was fun naman. haha

so last week, i went to san francisco for a family get together. Last Saturday at 2am after some bar hopping (yes, they close that early), we (my cousin, her girlfriends and i) happened upon a psychic shop. Given my new age procliviities, i persuaded them to stop and try it for fun. Off we went to get our fortunes told. This psychic, Nina was her name, with her dark mysterious looks, Russian Gypsy and medyo banlag yung mata (2 eyeballs looking in different directions) definitely had an air of authenticity. No doubt she had talent, she told us individual details that were just so dead-on, it was really freaky, the people i was with went out of her consultiing room, just amazed. I went last to get my palm read, and she talked to me and told me stuff that made me feel like she knew what was really going on inside me. It seemed like she did, i was almost sold that she was gonna give me answers i was looking for--for certainty on what i really want.

So towards the end of the reading, she tells me about my future daw, she said the man I'm with now is not meant for me and we will not last daw. So, i go, "well, right now, our relationship is going really good, how is that going to happen? and what am i supposed to do now? break up with him?", she proceeds, "no, just let the relationship take its course, enjoy it while it lasts, disappointment will come and u will be forced to walk away." i wanted to say, "thanks a lot lady, thats not really an answer, how am i supposed to enjoy if i know its not gonna work out?". At this point, i still didnt know what to do with what she said, but she continues, "there is an emptiness in you, there is karmetic energy that is not allowing you to find your soulmate"...(all this in her whispery yet dignified manghuhulang mediterranean accent)... unless we banish this energy daw, finding real love will not happen for me. So she goes, i can help you with that she said. But given that i was going back to LA the next day, i told her that i wont really be able to work with her. But she said, "dont worry, we can do spiritual work over the phone. I wont charge you for it, i want to help you. we'll look into your past life and see where this energy is rooted"..so, she gives me her phone number and i said i'd call her as soon as i get back to LA. at this point, i guess the more reason i had to trust her cus she wasnt even charging me.

so the next day, i get on my flight and for sure, i was a bit disturbed, deep in thought, emotional; i didnt get to sleep ok. Her divinations obviously affected me, i let it get to my head. I think at this point, i allowed myself to take what she said as the truth, the power of suggestion talaga. So, i land in LA, boyfriend comes to pick me up; God, it was like a movie airport scene. he hugs me and i hug him extra tight. in my mind, "OMg, this is going to be among the last hugs"...hahahhha...tang enang drama. He asked what was wrong, i seemed sad daw...i just said, that its hormones, that time of the month. so he takes me home cuz he had to work. before i went down the car,we hugged goodbye and i started crying. Hahahaha...Gad! talaga...ang drama ko; i was probably grieving for something that hadnt happened yet. now i know what a break up feels like i guess. hahahah So that night i call psychic Nina and i tell her that im ready to know more and get our work started. so, she asked for my brith name and birthdate. Cuz she'll do past life research on me daw. Tanong ko naman, "so, u have a past life library?" she answers, "No, i consult my guides and they read the akashic records for me". she instructs me to call the next night so she can give me her karmetic diagnosis.

teh next day on my way to work, im in my car, playing this CD i jacked from my cousin's car, it had tagalog goodies, like Songs from Freestyle and Side A, my old favorites. This freestyle song "Before i let you go, i want to say i love you.." started playing...tang ena, the waterworks started to sprinkle and then baha....hahahah...para akong ewan ok...crying in my car while driving. I just let it all go, and flashback to the good memories...hahahah.....when i got to work my eyes were already a little swollen, thank god nalang for waterproof mascara ok. hahahah. from all this, i realize how we only really see how someone is important to us when the idea of losing them comes up, when it becomes real, so obviously, he does mean something to me na talaga, did i love him? hahahah...i guess so, otherwise why would i feel like this?

So that night, i call psychic nina for her research results. This is when my real intuition kicked in--this is when i realized she was full of crap. She went on to tell me this crazy story that in my life before this one, i was very succesful but didnt have a family, i died alone daw, and it iis the same karmetic energy daw that i still carry in this life...and how ti all started, the epic story begins. She said, i once came from a powerful, rich family; i was teh first born and a had a twin sister (younger by 3 mins)---oo, detalyado talaga siya. I was to inherit the title daw...so, i imagine, this maybe in India or some exotic old kingdom (siyempre kelangan talaga yung royalty bit, why cant i be a farmer's daughter?). Anyway, my sister and i daw were bethrothed to these two brothers, but we were never told who was promised to who as we grew up. So, as we grew up being playmates and all; teh younger bro and i took a liking to each other. When i was 16, in a moment of slutiness, i gave my prized virginity to him daw. (this has elements of a good movie na ok--i can imagine a pretty hot sex scene here, or PG version: there will just be the bloodstained sheet, and a goodbye kiss, as young girl goes into the night and crawls back in her bed forever changed--broken hymen). At this point, i was listening on the phone and i just wanted to crack up! i wanted to kick myself, cuz it was obvious, that i let this storyteller get in my head and i put myself through all that emotional stress for nothing! for something imagined!..but ofocurse, i was so entertained by her creativity that i let her go on and tell me where the hindrance to my soulmate search was coming from...So the story continues; the young bro and i carried on the secret love affair until we found out the truth about us....when i turned 18, my father revealed that i was actually promised to his older brother and him to my younger twin. So, i didnt have much of a choice, if i reveal our love, i'd dishonor my family (cus apparently then, being a non-virgin and unmarried was a huge disgrace, enough for me to lose my right to the throne)...so, i chose the throne and married the older bro (who loved me to death--pun shall be intended). and so, my love married my sister. we tried to forget each other, but a year after, we saw each other and couldn't contain the passion and longing anymore--so insert another hot sex scene here--this time with hunger, scratching...wild. hahahha....but ofocurse, in the heat of passion, older brother walks in and catches our betrayal. Older bro was so angry that he threw me to the floor....but apparently, i was pregnant with his child na pala...and i lost the baby....older brother was so heartbrokened because of the betrayal by his beloved wife and brother and on top of it, he couldnt bear losing his son to be born....so he killed himself. Hung himself in our room and i found him. So little bro and i never got back together we couldnt bear the memory of what weve done.

So, at this point, i ask Madame Nina, where the negative energy came from, "from guilt?", i asked. And behold, a new character gets introduced! She said, because of this, i was hated by his family, i became a pariah....and on top of it, they're grandma put a curse on me....(siyempre may witch lola diba).....she cursed me that i will never find love again, that i will always carry the guilt and my husband's sadness. So, until this life daw i still have it, its preventing me from love daw. and the onyl way to banish my husband's energy, is through powerful crystals, she'll perform the casting out with these daw.."we will draw his energy out, you will hear your husband's voice, so you have to be strong, and you have to tell him that you are not his wife anymore"....and then eto na...dito na papasok yung money factor...she goes on to say that these crystals might be a little expensive and she will let me know daw teh next day how much they were.....so, she said to call her the next night so she can tell me.

I didnt call her back. I just laughed my ass off when i put the phone down.

God, i cant believe how gulllible i was! But for sure, i took some gems of wisdom from this experience. I guess in my quest for certainty, i was almost willing, to be given answers from outside sources; i guess im so used to quick gratification in everything else, that im trying to get fast answers, instead of letting things unfold and living in the present. I dont need some psychic to tell me how my life will turn out and that things will be ok, i have that power to search for direction myself, to trust and hope, to live in faith, to determine my future, I may not see teh next step yet, i may be afraid....but i guess, i should have just had enough faith, to stick it out and not let fear get to me. As certain as seasons come, after winter, spring and summer comes, a time to bloom again, see growth, or maybe come fall, some pruning of some kind; but life comes and takes its place. It will always be up to me what i do and it all takes place in the present. i just have to do what teh present demands, whether it be to love, give, change my thinking...whatever the present brings...thats all i can do...and hopefully, the future will unfold to something that will make me happy. i can only hope.

but tang ena! i am never letting a psychic mess with my head. My customer, who owns a spirituality shop, told me that a good pyschic will merely tell you things that u know already. If what a psychic says does not resonate in you, then its crap. because a psychic's ability is to give a name to whats going on inside you so you may understand yourself. So, a good psychic wont tell u ur future (they can advise or offer a conjecture, but never say for sure what will happen, because we have access to the present and that is the only key to the future). She said, its a common Modus Operandi ng mga psychic crooks, to first wow you with their talent in the beginning, then unknowlingly u begin to trust them, and then they plant a fear in you through suggestion and there, u start payign them to help you get rid of the cause of fear, which u created yourself through their so-called help.

so let this be a lesson to everyone. hahhah

i guess guidance is everywhere; even in an encounter like this, there is a revelation to be gained. but i guess when u try to project yourself to the future so much, thats when you mess things up, when desperation comes in...cuz we put ourselves in a position to imagine how things will turn out for us....but then again, we can never really map out the possibilties.

We should always be prepared to be surprised. we fight that when we cling to how we want our lives to turn out, we grieve when it doesnt turn out the way we wanted, but then again, what makes us so sure that our way is the best way? how are we sure that our ideals are really whats important? or of it will indeed make us happy? we cant. so we just have to deal with what the present presents. its a gift. and we can only be grateful what we can take from it. the future will take care of itself. What now? eh di now. now. now. i keep on saying it. cuz thats it. the future is now.

thanks mia for tagging me, im glad you still think of me...hahahah

1. What are you worried about?
- Not seeing the signs and making the right decision

2. Are you confused as to what lies ahead of you?
- i see a clearing. I shall follow it and see where the light leads

3. Is there anything that made you unhappy recently?
- tang ena. this psychic that messed with my head

4. What did you last cry over?
- hahaha. i grieved for something that hasn't happened yet. but Freestyle's oldie "Before i let you go" got the waterworks started. ( read my next post for the long story)..hahhahah

5. Have you ever dated someone?
- Have you, Mr. Survey?

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
- loving someone, its a greater risk and a greater opportunity to see your limits

7. If the person you like doesn't accept you, would you continue to wait for them to change their feelings?
- nope. too bad he doesnt have special eyes to see what he's missing

8. If the person you like is secretly attached, what would you do?
- it depends on the situation. but most likely, if hes married to another man, baka i might still consider...hahaha

9. What do you want most in life?
- love. shet. cliche

10. What's the most important thing you look for in a significant other?
- kindness, honesty

11. Have you ever had your heart broken?
- not yet

12. Would you rather be single and rich or married and poor?
- single and rich. i dont need to get married. I can do an Oprah and Steadman

13. Do you like someone right now?
- Yes

14. Do they like you too?
- like is an understatement...hahahah..feeling

15. If you fall in love with 2 persons simultaneously, who would you pick?
- the one who gets my pulse racing

16. What type of friends do you like?
- more of my college friends and then some

17. If you played a prank on someone, and she/he fell for the trick, what would you do?
- laugh and feel guilty if they cry

18. If you were betrayed by someone, what would you say to that person?
- i dont know. i probably wont dignify that person with words, just a guilt inducing look in my eyes and cold silence

19. If the person tagging you likes/loves you, what will you do/say?
- i miss you mia!

20. What do you think of the person who tagged you?
- i watch our videos whenever i need some cheer in my day

well, i woke up at 5am and couldnt go back to sleep. I thought id post an update.

1. ive been having recurring dreams lately. The setting is usually in my old house where i grew up as a kid, then of my high school and lately, college friends. One dream had Mica, Lara and Gin in it. I saw Mica and she couldnt recognize who I was, meanwhile Gin and Lara were running from a volcano eruption, Lara climbed onto a hill to save herself, while Gin rolled down the Hill in a wheelchair and tumbled. haha. Funny scenario actually. My co-worker Lawrence, (who is amazing at dream analysis) commented that my dreams are using symbols from memory to refer to the things im processing right now, for some reason these past associations are being triggered by the present. oh well, i have no clue yet what the dream means. but one thing for sure, i miss my friends.

2. on the love front, he's not moving to Vegas anymore. his cousin decided to sell him the Pizza franchise next door, so he decided to let the Vegas gig go, (backstory: he was supposed to open a pizza franchise with another partner in vegas, move there for 3 months to set it up and come back, but since its been 3 months late already, details arent coming together quite as efficient as expected, he decided its probably a sign to move on especially with a better opportunity in sight). he says its fate and he has every reason to stay. So if anything hAS changed since 3 days ago, now we dont feel like every day we have together is the last before he leaves. Haha. for the past 3 months, we've been acting like liv tyler and ben affleck on aerosmith's "I dont want to miss a thing", i forgot the movie where it came from....ayun, Armageddon. But looking back, its because of the anticipation that hes leaving that we became really close. its funny how you make every second count when you think its about to end. seriously, its like every goodbye was passionate. Now, there is no goodbye to anticipate, but then again, why should i stop making every second count? relationships die cuz of complacency. oh well, we'll see.

2.5 Oh btw, im learning Farsi. all of my family speak english, a lot of his dont. So, why not learn a new langguage, I got this langguage CD, Pimsleur's Method, its amazing. in just 4 days i can speak conversational farsi. i highly recommend this method. its organic learning, it teaches you through sound, and as you go along you just see patterns how verbs and sentences are formed. haha. its funny though, when he talks to me in his langguage, and now that i undeerstand a little bit, its as if i know him a little different. now i get how a common langguage can bring people together on a different level i guess. but then again, there things words cant express.

3. on the work front, its great, i have new employees under my wing, young, smart, and eager to learn. but i think i need some estrogen around me. on second thought, being the only female in the store has its perks. Male species seem to thrive on the idea of being needed by a female. haha. As for customers, im not getting my share of Dirty Old men lately, a couple of cute guys actually. Now that im taken, theyre coming out of the woodworks. or is it just how temptation is? everything else seems enticing when you cant have it. haha

4. i think im sleepy again. im off today. going to the v=beach later. days are passing by quick. its amazing. another sunday. i need some novelty, i need to see something different...mala-Adonis level eexperience ba...musclebound men in cut offs and knee high boots dancing to michael learns to rock songs...any recos from youtube? haha

One of my fondest memories in college. My foray into the beauty contest scene, or more like, komeja circuit...hahah...This is a testament to how much fun college was, just cuz i got to spend it with the funnest, funniest, most supportive friends ever---(Mia, Lara, Gin! OMG....kumusta ang mga outfit niyo!) hahahhaha

MR. and MS School of Management 2006 Talent Portion: Cinderella


Representing our org COSA, here was our intro video...shot on top of Prince David, guest starring Lara, hahaha....this was edited and directed by Mia

"Reflektra and Captain Fabulous"

its thanksgiving. thank god, ive had 3 days of vacation so far, its been a long time since i had time to jus lounge..anyway, heres something interesting i found...im jus gearing up to write an update..but meanwhile...this guy has some interesting stuff to say and more on youtube...

take responsibility for your life..

hahahaha...im sorry...ito na yata ang best remake ever!
"Thriller", starring Cebu Jail Inmates. This should be a national contest...Inter-jail competition...



this is not simple komeja...im reading a message in the whole choreography...prison life realities diba! applase! there is depth....hahahah

creative..why not! hahaaha


When you have a dream never let anyone stop you! this guy is inspiring sobra! hahaha


tears galore toh! haha....


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love the song

I'd just like to share something that inspired me today.

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"If we can recognize that change and uncertainty are basic principles, we can greet the future and the transformation we are undergoing with the understanding that we do not know enough to be pessimistic."
– Hazel Henderson

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Change can be scary. With change comes the unknown…the uncertain. And we often fear what we don’t know. But when you embrace uncertainty and accept it as it is, the universe opens up to you – a universe of infinite possibilities. Perhaps right now you find yourself at a crossroads or are challenged by a particular situation at work, at home, or in a relationship. You have your version of how things are supposed to work out. Maybe it’s not the ideal outcome. It’s simply one you’ve allowed yourself to get comfortable with. Maybe you’ve even become resigned to it. You feel that everything seems to be pointing in a certain direction and there’s nothing you can do anyway.

But change comes in each moment. You are not the same person you were when you began to read this. Those few sentences above are now part of your make-up. Every interaction, conversation, meal, thought, and activity you engage in today will shift your physiology and your emotional state. We’re often not aware of these subtle shifts because they happen so incrementally. Yet by tomorrow, you will be changed – even if only a bit.

Transformation is a magnificent process that takes you from one state of existence into the next. One of the reasons we fear this change is that we think that once we change , we will be stuck there – doomed for eternity to suffer the scenario you feared most. But what if you could embrace the fact that your transformation never stops. That wherever you are in your mind will change and wherever you end up, that too will change. The person you will be tomorrow will transform again into the person of the next day and the next. Now you are able to see not just the static aspects of yourself but the ever growing, ever re-birthing, ever-evolving aspect of you. And there’s a bonus…each time you transform…you open yourself to an abundance of possibilities which means you have the ability to be reborn in each moment.
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quick update: i thought the latest great connection i've made has ended with a moment of honesty; but to my surprise, it hasn't. in fact, i think a new better begining has taken place. my whole not ready for a relationship litany didn't dent the friendship, which i thought might have on his part at least. but its nto the case and im glad. i havent lost a friend. so i guess honesty really is great thing, as opposed to leaving things unsaid.

im on my day off today, hence, a chance to post. some alone time finally. anyhoo, looking back in the past month, my life's theme would be, "resist nothing"..hahah...i actually read that off a bumper sticker. but it jumped out to catch my attention and hasnt left my head since. So i have taken the message from the universe and just ran with it. hahaha

at work, ive decided to embrace every little setback. im thinking its something i need to learn, lagi naman diba...everything is always a preparation for something. i think each time i am once again being taught discipline. Balancing inventory, cancelling orders, making orders, reducing costs, checking every delivery, store merchandising (stuff do not sell at all, when they're not displayed the right way...there is a science to it truly..haha)...retail is really detail...down to the last activity of the day which is closing the register....which involves counting coins and making sure the register is always balanced. its a process. at first, i met the task with resistance, gusto ko na bumili ng coin counter! but embracing the task, i got it down easy, it felt like an achievement when i did the whole closing the register in less than 7 mins..hahah. this week more and more im starting to get the real pulse of the store. i actually know every little thing thats going on. My boss gave me some good news yesterday, that store sales improved since i took over, i am not taking credit for it yet cuz if im gonna see results of my efforts it will be at least 2 months or more down the line...but anyway, i guess the good thing about that, it just means that ive at least managed to keep the store's momentum going. My boss also admitted to having sent a spy a few days ago to check up on me. haha. but the good thing is, the spy only had good things to say....i have a good idea who it was, this old dude trying who loooked rich naman but then still trying to get me to give him a big discount on a measely pair of socks...hahah....he used my boss' name, that he was a friend blah blah...but then, with my every sparkling smile and sweetness, i told him that we no longer give discounts and i instead gave him a freebie, a give away water bottle...but i guess the trick to handling a kupal customer with grace, is to allow him to talk about himself a little...chika chika muna...then its easier to decline a request....but kill with kindness, its really the best way to go...

so back to my resist nothing theme, ive also applied it to my dating philosophy, at the store, my self-esteem has really gone through the roof...hahaha...even in my ugly blue uniform, i get hit on a lot more than what im used to..plus a marriage proposal or two...hahaha... i thought its because ive got the exotic thing going so hurray for me and my tanned brethren...haha..but really, i think, it all comes from chatting people up and being genuinely interested in what they have to say....i think people most come alive when they can share who they are with someone...the thing i love most about my job is the people i meet everyday...ive gotten a couple of crazies, but nonetheless, its really a constant stimulant ...being in retail, it actually gives me teh license to get up and talk to people....its as if im a bit entitled to act like a talkshow host and make small talk as much as i want...hahah....its actually key to customer satisfaction i think...making a connection is what it is actually...which leads me to think that "connecting with someone" is really not that hard or a once in a blue moon kinda thing. there are a lot of people one can connect with, only if one is totally open, no expectations or i guess big judgements, but just a genuine openess to finding out what someone is all about. the dating culture here i guess is very forward, or hindi lang ako sanay...people jus right out ask for your number, wala nang pakipot crap, they're very brave in putting themselves in a vulnerable position to be rejected or not....i think its a great thing for everyone....to just have the courage to show interest... ive actually said yes to some invittaions that im quite interested in as well..haha..i call it just "hanging out"...get coffee kinda thing,...i wouldnt want to label it as dates...giving it that label just makes it loaded with expectation....i think imaginings of the future of where it can lead to just makes the actual thing contrived...you get conscious or whatever....so eto na...resist nothing....im interested to see, so go and see diba....just go with the flow...and get to know whats out there...the worst that can happen is having a new friend....whom i might not end up having special feelings for...but nonetheless at least i can say, that i actually found out for myself what i could be missing....my wise co-worker, actaully told me that attraction to something is always an "invitation to growth"....hahah...pregnant with meaning in more ways than one for sure....but its true.

so, we'll see how it goes. resist nothing. but i guess it also means that u have to go on with caution as well. get to know the root of attraction as well. find out where ut stems from. or that could be me digging a hole of analysis paralysis for myself, instead of jus letting tthings be. it all remains to be seen i guess. we'll see.

teh past weeks have been hectic, but overall, its been quite stimulating.

work at the store is getting easier. i find myself surrounded by people who are going out of their way to make me look good to the boss. I guess they're responding to my management style, which is, lets work hard and get crazy. I've always known that great team performance lies in having fun and being around people who want teh best results. I make sure we laugh a lot, but at the same time, do what needs to be done. One thing though, i feel the need to be the ultimate role model. I cant be lazy in front of them, i have to be the busiest bee of the bunch, modeling how i want them to be. Age really isnt a factor. at the store, everyone jus seems to be on equal footing. Age range from 21-48...just sharing life experiences and learning from each other. its funny how people can share so much in common.

yestrday was memorial weekend. I spent my day off with Gin. Sunday. My whole family went on their own gimiks. My parenst and lil sis to vegas, my older sis with her own bisita to universal studios..so ako, lumayas din. i drove 39 miles to Westlake, Gin's suburban neihborhood, we watched Pirates of the Caribean with her cousins and tita. Her initially scary tita, (now i like her..shes actually pretty cool...hahaha...earlier, she went to the store with Gin to buy shoes..o diba..customer na agad)...Then after the loooooong movie, (my eyeballs almost hurt cuz i was keeping ym eyes peeled for my co worker, who was an extra in the movie...he was pirate number 43, matagal ren siya nawala para mag shoot apparently, but from the looks of it, mukang na-cut yung part niya..hahah)

anyway, after the movie. Gin and i went on our own and hung out at Malibu...jus lay on the white beach and basked under the warm sun; we both agreed that were starting to like LA, the chance of starting over again, its pretty liberating. After the beach, we went on a semi road trip along the pacific ocean...scenic tour...thelma and louise ang drama...hahaha...we proceeded to a party in the valley. Gin's friend's friend invited us, mejo majority pinoy gathering. It was super fun and jus very pinoy..mga OPM pa eh..hhahah... i realized how pinoys here jus lose the concept of social hierarchies. The cocnept of jologs or skwating is just not there anymore. People from all backgrounds jus socializing and meeting on one level. just jamming with the band, singing and dancing. No pretensions. I wonder why, before there was this pressure to "stick to your kind", why was it so important?, you're either sosyal or jologs, or you're jonyo (jologs na conyo which is even cooler supposedly..hahaha..level headed na may breeding..ganun...hahah). I guess in a land where we are a minority, we're too few to really have to delineate variety or slight differences. we're just pinoy. period. Its enough to have a country in common and be open to each other, be friends. so i guess when we're the majority, thats when details become more pronounced. theres more limitation to who you can date, be friends with.. etc etc... Its just funny. The social pressure we put ourselves through, its all an illusion, why diba? what for? I guess at the bottom of it all, there is strength in numbers; there will always be a need to identify, to belong. theer always has to be an us and them. Without an Other, there is no I. hahaha. philosophical paper ba toh? hay...but anyway, it was a great weekend. Panalo Gin! tayo na ang bagong bestfriends.

Btw, note to Gino...guess what? pinsan mo pala co-worker ko, my assistant manager, Erick, taga la salle siya... hahaha...Nacianceno ang nanay ng tatay niya, and his dad knows ur dad. small world diba?! wala lang...

anyway friends...mwah to everyone! here's to new tomorrows! i shall now take a shower and sleep.

ok, Monday lunch, Mr. Producer calls for a follow up. i actually didn't expect he would, so I told him, i'll forward my resume to him and let him know what my decision is. As I said this over the phone though, i had a feeling i wasn't going to take it; but i thought i'd stall so i can really think about what i should do. So jus now, i sent him an email of how much i appreciated his offer, and that i realize that it is a great opportunity; but as of the moment, circumstances are affirming that i should stay put with where i am and what i've committed to. first, it would be unfair to my boss now if i jump ship and two, since my working papers are with my company now, its gonna be another long process if i change employers; and three, most importantly, i feel like i really want to see my retail stint through; i've found that i liek what im doing, the job itself is rewarding and challenging in its own way...and im meeting a lot of people..that part i really like and i really see that there's still plenty to learn and achieve. So i said all these in my email, but still with my resume and academic evaluation (proof that my education is perfectly equivalent to an american education)....hahahah....i just put, that maybe down the line, when circumstances are right, and there is still an opening in his team, i could apply again. So hopefully, i still kept my options open; we'll never know diba. anyway, im a firm believer in trusting my intuition; when its meant to go right, circumstances fall into place; but kung hindi, di dapat pilitin. This reminds me of sadasiva's words (an indian yogi), "do not do what you want, and then you may do what you like"...(a paradocixal advice...but somehow it makes sense)..apt diba.

and the plot thickens...cameo roles filling my life!...i have yet to see what the significance of this encounter will be...so, ok...this guy named steve murphy, a TV producer just offered me a job! unlikely diba?! its as if i have a talkshow and people are just showing up for an interestign meeting...hahahah...how it happened? well basically, we had a semi difficult customer yesterday (that was him), his wife was being fitted for a shoe, and there he was being kontrabida....questioning my co-worker's expertise in a condescending (but playful) tone, think Simon Cowell on a semi-bad day...abrasive but with a heart of gold kinda aura....so sensing the discomfort and impatience from my co worker, i stepped in the conversation.....it turns out this guy's sense of humor is just a bit of the pseudo-intellectual/sarcastic kind....i thought id just have to humor him and appeal to his ego...hahahah...cut the long story short...i managed to get my comedy chops working...i made the guy laugh....(dazzled him with my wit...shet feeling! hahaha)....and i in turn laughed at his quips....in fairness, he was really funny, bumenta saken...the banter went on, they asked where i was from and all..they were surprised that i was filipino...they thought i was hawaiian..and then he proceeded to semi-bash my people (saying that teh stereotype filipina is not liek me)..it seemed that even jokingly, he was as if trying to push me to say soemthing on defense...but i just laughed and said, "oh dont worry im not hurt, im not patriotic, i love my country but im more of a citizen of the world... you know one world, one humanity"...hahahah...it was a long getting to know you convo, until his wife finally got the right fit uninterrupted..thats the beauty fo teamwork...i distracted him so sheana could do her job..hahaha. i made the inference, actually asked him, "are you a writer?" (i think this appealed to his ego)..and his wife goes..."yes he is..and a lawyer!" hahaha...and he asks why i would think that...i just said...only people as cuckoo as him would be one....i swear this guy is such a character...think Anna wintour na Simon Cowell...its either you like or hate him....hahahah....i liked him...i think he's one of those people thats brilliant/eccentric..kelangan lang sakyan...he's not for the faint hearted tho..anyway, i think he respected me for being fearless to his attempts at intelectual intimidation...so in the end, his wife and him paid at the counter...(which by then, my co-worker happily shared that im the manager, which again added to their surprise)....so for his last attempt, he bullies me into giving him a discount on a cap...hay nako...hahahah...i said "i cant"...and he goes..."can't is a combination of can and not...can is synonymous to the word choose"..so you mean, you "choose" not to giev me a discount...hahhahah....i stop and think about it..playign with words....i told him i disagree, but ok, since he did argue that far i obliged and hooked him up with a discount...hahahah....so there, it seemed like a loyal customer was born....hahhaha....so they pay then as they were leaving, he actually gives me a simon cowell-ish compliment, "you know you have a great personality, you sound very smart..keep it up"...i say, well, thank you...you too...you're hilarious...have a great day. so that was it..that was Friday night before closing.

so today, a Sunday, i had to work....and guess who's back? teh guy! it turns out he is a producer and TV host..he produces law and radio shows...he does the show inside exclusive...he gave me his card and told me to check out its website http://www.insiderexclusive.com ..kaya pala he looked familiar, ive seen him on tv....so, at the webiste, the oldish white guy there, ala cristopher walken pasty-version, thats him...his name is Steve Murphy...apparently, he's kinda brilliant in his field....so yun, he asked me if id be interested in working for him....he is lookign for an executive assistant...(sa isip ko, a glorified secretary?, administrative P.A kina thing)......btu usually, this is the entry leevl positions for people who aspire to be producers and all that...make connections, networks...he basically, told me, think about what career you're gonna have by being here...and he asks me about how much im getting paid..talk about prangka...hahahaha....this guy was pirating me....(pero hello, at this point i didnt know who he was, and i wasnt abhout to take him that seriously)...i was just like..yeah sure, i might be interseted...i ask him if he was serious, and he said, ' well, im usually a good judge of character and based on yesterday, i really liked your energy, you have spunk and you're smart....sa isip ko lang, its either of two things, he really thought that or he just has a fetish for exotic looking young women with curly hair...and here i was, his next victim that he'll skin alive....the latter theory, mukang unlikely....cuz he seemed very close with his wife....pero...malay naten diba...hahahahah..he just basically probed if i was a hard worker and how i got my current job...i told him, they wouldnt hire me over people with experienece if i wasnt, so he says, then you must be good... straight up self promotion na toh!....but apparently, he liked that i knew how to promote myself in a matter of fact way...

so, there, he offered me the job wiht the lure of a higher salary and a possible start of a promising career, but i was honest and told him that i have special working arranegemnts with my company now... legal working papers issues and all that...but he tells me that he'll call his friend and see what can be done....im not jumping with excitement over this just yet...im not pinning my hopes on it..im going to let it unfold...if he pursues with an opportunity...ill look into it...but if nothing comes out of it, its still all good, im still in a good place....i guess what this just makes me think....being a producer or studio exec was one fo my mega dreams before...is this a sign that it could still happen with all the detours im taking? maybe at why not... hahaha...oh well, i guess what i see here...just riding the wave of uncertainty, leaves more room for possibilities....i love it. just do your best every moment and who knows really what can happen. people can be dropping in and you'll really never know what they can bring...

ryan, donald, amir, terrence and moi



so, this is my new company. Top to Top, we're a specialty running store. as of april 12, ive officially become the new manager of the marina del rey branch (along with my marketing responsibilities). my boss tells me that in 27 years, im only the 5th person to be given the "privilege" of owning store keys...why not...i even suggested a key ceremony. all it got was a laugh. but well, seseryosohin ko yun if ever...hahaha...so, since ive gotten onboard a lot of the brands we carry have tapped us for cross promotions, for some reason they chose our store instead of others to tie up with, so i guess thats a pretty good indication that we have a good rep in the industry. since we're commencing our website revamp, ive started to take pics of the events and ze peeps. im loving the people in the company..different personalities, very interesting people (some actors, athletes, an artist, writer, a comedian or two, and other people that carry multi labels), generally tho, most are smart and nice, always a good combo...theres only 5 of us here the event to represent; karlos (ex track athelete, and he was the black doctor in the movie big fish, semi artista diba...haha), donald (the sta. monica branch manager), ryan (avid marathoner and he's also starring in a soap running right now called saints and sinners), terrence (character actor does 3 accents, hella funny guy) and ofcourse, theres our boss, Amir (he has a lot of quotable quotes, he's a haracter we love him); being the youngest in the bunch, im kinda the baby of the family...my dream of having big bros...this is probably a taste of that..hahaha..anyway, perks of the job, freebies. to date, i have 4 sports bras, 2 pairs of shoes, 3 sports outfits. im like an athlete, without a sport. with the wya im eating, its gonna be hard to at least look the part. i always jus say im injured. so there. ahahah...i actually am. im limping right now, i did something stupid and got achilles tendinitis, an actual runner's injury, yung nga lang i didnt get it from running. oh well. but pwede na. theres some cred with that. haha

its tuesday now and i jus woke up in my new room, bigger, brighter apartment, in a mostly korean inhabitted building. i love it though, we have two balconies (pwede mag grill) and a faux fireplace (where i can finally display my grad pic on top). haha. anyway, work wont be until 12 so i have this morning to write this entry. well, my holyweek...i didnt feel it. at all.

being the multi-cultural country that this is, theres no such thing as a weeklong holiday for jesus. my days off are wednesday and sunday. wednesday, i hung out with my dad and little sis, watching Babel then some other movie. im so glad i got to purge a bit. a tear here and there, then i had to pack my stuff. we finally found a bigger apartment to move into. my mom was planning to buy a house, but given that we all decided to stay here, and my big sister's work is just two blocks away, my mom decided to move into an aprtment still in the same neighborhood, give it a year, until my big sis and i are settled with our jobs and the whole adjustment phase...meaning, lawyers paid, papers finally fixed, having our own cars and basically get a routine going, big sis might eventually get her own place. Me, until i have a reason to move out, im staying with the rents...theyre too much fun and family is great to have around. but this time though, im pitching in the rent. how adult of me diba. i jus thought that im earning money already and this time, its more than enough for me naman and my parents shouldn't have to work for my share anymore. this is what it feels pala. all my life ive always expected my parents to pay for everything, to just naturally assume the responsibility, but now, i detect the drastic change in my mindset. i do feel that i am truly responsible for myself, in drama terms, my life is really in my hands.

its funny, for most of the people i work with, they cant relate much...most of em have been working since high school, makes me realize that its totally a different experience to have had the life of a full-time student, all you had to focus on was studies and friends. justin, my workmate who i always talk to and among the interesting people in the store (actor, part-time waiter, matt damon's frat bro in the good shepherd..hahah) told me that he couldnt imagine being a full-time student...when i tell him about my friends, what we did when we were bums (after grad behaviour and all that)...its jus a semi-alien concept to him...its dawning on me, that i am in a different cultural mindset really...i mean two other girls in the store, paid their way through college....people who didnt want to be a burden to their parents or more like, felt that they had to go on their own early in life. i admire these people actually, bbut at the same time, i dont think id like to struggle the way they did. i guess my definition of a quality life is different from theirs. hay nako. is this culture shock? not really..more like culture adjustment. ive always been a work hard, play harder kinda person. at this point i guess, theres not yet so much time to play harder, cuz work takes most of my time. especially now that im handling marketing on top of laerning to manage the store. but i know this isnt permanent...im looking forward to the moment that i can run the store with ease. learning curve lang yan diba. it has always been my belief that i can do anything, if i am willing to learn. but one day at a time diba. i cant believe its april already. ive been here 4 months. anyway, so much for this sabog entry. stream of consciousness lang.

on a shallow note, im excited to go to work today, freebies galore. being a store manager, is like being an athlete with sponsors. hahaha. brand reps want u to wear their stuff. meron na ako dalwang sports bra, which makes me look flatter than ever, but they feel great. and later im getting two pairs of shoes. so i guess, in everything, there are pros and cons....the way i see it, the brighter side is always more worthy of attention. but id still take a week beach vacation any day.

friends! i miss u all!! update pls. comment here on the latest balita with u guys! even the most mundane. id love to hear from u. mwah

kumusta ang title diba?! haha...

for the last 2 weeks, ive been in the main store in sta. monica training with the store pros...my boss said its vital that i master the core service of store before i move on and learn the other store operational chenes...so ngayon, i have a masters in athletic shoes na, major in Running...in fact, i have a pin that says "Shoe MD"...hahahah...i never knew there were categories, and further subcategories, and other tiny details about each brand...add to that, foot biomechanics, gait analysis, pronation, plantar fasciitis, neuromas, etc etc...knowing all these things allows me to analyze a customer's needs and ultimately, put him/her in the right running shoe. its never an exact science, but an art, sometimes, lots of trial and error, its like objectively guiding someone to tell you whats best and most comfortable for them...cuz having the wrong shoe could very well contribute to a lifetime of aches and pains....

So now, i am a proud owner of a Brook's Ariel (a chunky technical shoe that feels really good and gives me the support i need..but yeah..its not as fashionable as i want it to be, considering that my jeans are skinny if not bootleg, i wont be able to use the shoes with em)....as an employee--its mandatory that we wear what we sell, so diba...come lets join us na ko..in the running world apparently, function over form rules...its seldom that the right technical shoe matches the wearer's fashion desires....kaya i share the sentiments of many women who come in the store and refuse to wear these comfortable chunky rubber shoes...even if they have to scarifice aching calves and knees with their highly-marketed but almost useless, but fashionable Nike cross trainers. Kaya i guess serious runners know if you're a wanna be, they look at your shoes...

Anyway, since yesterday, ive really gotten the hang of the whole gait analysis bit...ive been quite succesful in matching people up with the right shoe...its like problem solving, you take all the data u have and solve a problem...its fun and a constant challenge..so there i am explaining like ive known what im saying from years of experience....and i dont even run (but im seriously considering starting, maybe do a marathon in a few years...hahaha...yeah right! but who knows, i could finally get off my ass and be one of those booty-toned people)....

amidst the whole thrill of learning new things and being among interesting people (both customers and the people i work with), i guess my favorite part in the whole thing is when you actually get to help someone...and in the process get to know a piece of them...cuz i cant help but make chika....and people for some reason really appreciate being talked to..being asked about themselves and paying attention to what they want and really try your best to give them a solution....patience is the key to service i guess...since Monday, ive had a couple of customers who were so appreciative...my favorite are old people, i think i havent had a bad customer yet...but amidst all of these a realization emerged.....i think i have a calling to help people....its like one of the most fulfilling sensations ive ever felt...knowing that i've helped someone and seeing a really appreciative look on their faces (to some, "its just me giving you the right running shoe lady...its my job")...but i guess the bottom line of that appreciation, is them feeling that you truly, genuinely care, that you're looking out for their best interest...thats the core of our service philosophy. And really, its a no fail plan. its good business karma...u reap what u sow...

on a more shallow note, im hoping that we get to change our store uniform soon...hahah. Ive started wearing it (2 days ago), its a blue oversized collared shirt (size small in men's)...walang female version eh..cuz konti lang girls...ive told my boss that a uniform update is in order and accomodate feminine needs...the guys are teasing me that its a shallow request...(Lyra, you're such a girl!)...pero hello....presentation is important....i told them, a woman is 3 times more likely to make a sale with customer...and 5 times more if she looks attractive....(im not sure kung imbento ko toh...pero i can recall reading about this somewhere...hahaha)...pero diba....ask and you shall receive, so i did. hahaha. so we'll see how that goes.

Anyway, starting tomorrow im gonna transfer to the store ill be managing na...so hopefully, i get in there and jive with the people and be karapat-dapat in their eyes (cuz the current assistant managers have been in that store for 5 years, and here i am stepping in from nowhere diba)....I should be paranoid that they will look at my every move and hope that i make a mistake....but i guess, there is no point in thinking that)...im a firm believer that the world is always a reflection of our psyche....so i am just not going there....i will be calm and think positive thoughts, see the good in people (but i guess as experience has taught me, a little self-protection is also a good thing)....annyway, i hope things turn out smooth...i hope nalang the people in the other store are ok naman..we shall see....timely that i jus saw 300 (the movie), it inspired me...i think i am a bit of a spartan at heart....i love a challenge...face opportunities to test what I'm really made of....(so,if they act all persian-arrogant on me..pucha, sipain ko sila sa balon..."You are in SPARTAAA"..hahahha...so bring it on nalang diba!!)..hahhaha...but i guess a good idea is to come in peace. ill bring a white lotus and a picture of the dalai lama nalang. compassion. compassion. i have to tell myself to remember that. hahahaha. i laugh. goodluck nalang.

im just delirious with excitement. I've stumbled upon this hugely inetresting site, with super interestign PODCASTS of mostly the greatest, most interesting minds of our time...i havent stopped watching its huge archive of talks. ANyway, its called TED, sponsored by a non=profit org that is "committed to seek out the most interesting people on earth and let them communicate what they are passionate about, untainted by corporate influence". I swear, from dinosaur sex, to philosophy, psych, tech, comedy, art..its the ultimate creativity hub...super panalo ideas! the unveiling of the Mac, Bill gates, malcolm gladwell and a lot of the best selling authors we can recognize, and other just super interesting people have been among the invited speakers....super super panalo! out of the box ideas! expand your mind na toh! check it out!

http://www.ted.com/tedtalks

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